Whats the fucking meaning behind anything? Do we have a soul? Are we all moving towards enlightenment? Do we have multiple lives? Will we one day live in a world without suffering?
That's what I'd absolutely love to believe.
It's what I do believe most days, and its how I choose to live my life.
But some days it doesn't work. Some days the emptiness takes over. Some days life feels meaningless, kindness is hard, clearing your mind seems impossible.
Why is the world so cruel that people need to believe in something? How come everything is a fucking competition? EVERYTHING. Only the best workers get hired, the smartest people with the best work ethic get through college. The best athletes make it, the best singers and musicians, the best writers, everything is about being the best.
Those without skills or motivation are doomed to a life of minimum wage misery. Even those who “succeed” often find themselves depressed. The world is controlled by money. Those with money have power. And they fucking use it. Oppression is everywhere.
Those who need help often don't find it. Americans live lives of luxury while those of third world countries starve to death. Children, starve to death. And here we are in our nice houses, too busy with out work and selfish aspirations to do a single fucking thing about it.
I want to change it. But finding the means to do it is so fucking hard. What does it take to change the world? Money. What corrupts a good person? Money, and the pursuit of it. I don't want to pursue money, because I don't think I need it to be happy. But in order to be happy, what I do need is to help people. And to help people and be free from working, I need money. What a motherfucking paradox.
So what can I do? I'd like to change the world through writing first, and then maybe use any money I make to help even more. But first I have to write something worth being published. And this right here, isn't fucking it. I have a novel outlined, but the words won't come. Not right now. Hopefully someday, someday soon.
No one's going to read this, at least not now. But I needed an outlet. So this is my outlet. For now.